My baby boy played a huge part in my healing journey
It has been about two weeks since I last saw my son. He has been enjoying his time with his cousins,
Abuela, Tio, and Tia in Chicago.
I am missing him, so I washed his clothes — — holding each piece up to my nose and just taking it in. I stumbled upon his old sneakers in a draw under his bed.
His dad and I bought these sneakers in Chicago in 2009, he was about 9 months. I always loved the detail, in this particular pair of baby Levi sneakers .
Our particular journey began when he was born on January 20th, 2009
In May of that year I was diagnosed with a rare spinal cord tumor — which grew so big it hemorrhaged.
I was now a paraplegic -finding ways to navigate this condition — — as well as being a new mother and wife.
I made a concrete decision to walk again
This journey was not a passive one …it required me to push through a lot of physical pain and uncertainty. Changing the way I healed and definitely changing the way I parented.
Any previous ideas I had about parenting went out the window
Since I was in chronic pain — I could not continue to breastfeed after the surgery because of the meds.
Because of my condition — I connected with him on the ground, in ways that I could not connect with him by lifting him up into my arms — on my chest — and holding him for long durations of time the way most mothers would connect with their child.
The floor inside and the ground outside — THE CONCRETE JUNGLE,
were my allies.
Because I literally was learning how to walk again, he adapted to walking early -when most baby’s are in strollers — he had to walk when traveling with me . The reality is we both were learning how to walk at the same time, so it was a tremendous amount of faith, bravery and cooperation — -with him cause I literally tried not to fall- he was my balance.
Being as young as he was and being super aware of his surroundings, his own sense of self in proximity to others.
Still baffles me
The bottom of his shoes tell a story
I have always been inspired by him — of course he doesn’t remember
how kick ass he use to be at that age —
it is the principle I live by, “ it is not what you say, but how your feet move.”
Well, he is 13 years old now, fiercely independent — cuddles and hugs when needed.
His ability to walk at such a young age — follow orders; allowed us to create a space where he could flow with mommy. Daddy could take the stroller-
but mommy could not
We both depended on each other.
Made my healing journey so much more manageable. The creator gave me the tools I needed for my healing -even down to the child.
Man, did his little feet move …
They had too …
because mommy could not carry him.
Maisha Sapp Woodley
Consultant
parentingcolors@gmail.com
