What do you know about Black boy feelings?

A few days ago — I received one of the most condescending emails from one of my sons teachers,

yet I know this game very very well — yes, before BLACK LIVES MATTER — black parents — diligently advocated for their black children — in white liberal spaces — while teachers tag team in the classroom and hyper focus on the behavior of black boys — a formula which is not only out dated and intrusively damaging —

so yes I am well prepared. I called a meeting with his teacher.

Before all of this, I emailed her about one form

I inquired about one form and what I got back was a woman — holding her urine for too long. I asked one question.

The level of micro aggression — passive aggression

I am sifting through all of that, in one email —

because I don’t want no shit poppin’ up, before school ends in June. I stay proactively focused on his learning experience and not reactive to her need to pee.

So — I called a meeting and we are going to design what needs to be discussed- before we meet next week,

Putting strategies in place that he can put to use immediately.

If he did not finish an assignment on time — lets revisit time management skills- and other strategies he can use and what tools can he use to get his thoughts out quicker- to finish his writing assignments in under 30 minutes. We will move forward with solution based strategies

Having this in place days before the meeting.

He is an active participant in his own learning -

So it is imperative that he knows exactly what he needs to focus on, to keep moving forward.

Being caught off guard and feel powerless and betrayed is not my job as a parent-leader, to provoke those feelings in him — in any meeting.

Way to many black and brown kids had those experiences — and now those black and brown kids are parents themselves- with their own black and brown children.

Still wondering why there is a disconnect between black parents and white teachers? I don’t throw my kid under the bus under no circumstances — I told you before

I am team Xavier.

Setting a child up to fail and setting a child up to succeed are two different paths, with different language, meaning and strategies. Parents have to go into these meetings with the knowledge, language, and strategies. When it comes time to black children there is a whole history — the data does not lie. still going on today, those blueprints are still being utilized — the forms may have changed — using beautiful updated illustrations

So — with surgical precision, I plucked from the email I received — separating

fact from fiction, distinguishing between her feelings of being overwhelmed — — from usable information that I can share with my child.

A skillset I have been putting to practice for years.

Some of those sentences in the email she sent me, were so condescending —like, “ maybe we can set up a time to chat about his feelings? Chat about his feelings? — Bitch, we are not peers — we don’t chat. You are his teacher —

I am his mother/parent leader; besides —What do you know about black boy feelings? You will not be able to internalize his feelings with compassion, grace and empathy because it is not in your experience historically to empathize with black boys and their feelings. Do you know how he feels navigating in this world as a black boy? Do you know how that impacts his day to day- emotions? With all the facts and data, he carries around every day? What he has to do on a daily bases-

to not loose his innocence and sense of wonder — make it ok to be boy.

With regular boy experiences- which ordinarily has its own highs and lows.

When it comes time to Black boys, it is not Even —Steven

He is highly developed, introspectively

The messaging between his internal self and what is being played out in society’s internal fabric is always being sorted out —

because his spirit does not understand space, time — and being targeted -

His psychology — must make those adjustments — his mindset must be different

this takes a lot of energy — he gets exhausted, but he carries on

He navigates his environment with a panoramic view -not one shot -not even a wide shot but a panoramic view of his space. That is his normal. Very common with black children.

What other children in a society — have been conditioned to navigate their environment as if they live in a Safari ?

His hyper awareness of others — especially white women? You want to know why he seems exhausted sometimes? That is an extra bookbag he has to carry every day — that you don’t know about- but I know about it- because he tells me when he comes home.

Being reactive, because I have feelings as well- I would imagine that I would use a yellow highlighter to highlight that one sentence in the email you sent me — ball it up and throw it back at you. Now, using your Feelings — teacher, — tell me how that felt?

When it comes time to black boys it is not an equal opportunity- playing field. on the emotional plane— their universe of emotions is very different than little white boys-

PERIOD.

So before you accuse my son of being withdrawn— or use other blanket statements — with no exploration- use the recommended and latest jargon — you know, to categorize children- in ways that sooth the systemic beast. To set the stage for the set up.

Ask a better question- because that very afternoon he came home — gave me a hug and said he felt like crap today, nose dripping behind his mask –his allergies were bothering him and he put his head down during recess instead of going outside where his allergies would be triggered.